Swinging with Power
Issue: Issue 170.5
Posted Date: 4/1/2007
By Umberto Confusiiatta
A wise person once said: "When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail." This will be especially true now, with the introduction of the Righteous-Striker, laser guided hammer with its Handi-hand-el® utility tool upgrade.
All of us have used a traditional hammer from time to time. And all of us have experienced the challenges that this skill-based tool requires. Actually striking the nail is literally a hit-and-miss proposition, and the carnage done to thumbs over the years is too horrible to contemplate. (Hammers have actually been named Digit Destroyer Emeritus by the Phalange Protection Society of North America, dba "Focus on the Finger.")
The inventor of the , Friar Trihardt Contradanse of the Jesuit monastery Our Sister of Perpetual Contrivances, located in Trois Lozenges, France – was inspired to create this product to help protect the pledge of silence the monastery is dedicated to. Apparently, even a friar is tempted by foul language after smashing a thumb with a framing hammer.
Speaking to me through a (sign language) interpreter, Fr. Contradanse demonstrated his confidence in the Righteous-Striker's accuracy by offering to hold a nail while I used the hammer. "When I nod my head, you hit it," was the instruction I received. Apparently they were referring to the nail, but after that confusion was cleared up, the process went very smoothly.
The addition of the Handi-hand-el® utility tools was an apocryphal upgrade to the laser guided hammer concept. "Everyone is way-interested in added value", said Ian Clot-Bannister, Spamco LTD.'s V.P. of PR. "Even Monks!" (Spamco has licensed the use of the Righteous-Striker until 2099 or until the end of the age – which ever comes first.)
"So say you're like, way far from your house and you're … like hammering something, and you get a sliver" explained Clot-Banister, "With the Handi-hand-el® utility tools, you can pull out its tweezer and Bob's your uncle."
The Righteous-Striker is available in most big box stores and liturgical book stores starting April 1st. The price is set on a sliding scale determined by vocation. Suggested retail price $99 and a half dollars.