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Arking Up the Wrong Tree?
Issue: Issue 297.5
Posted Date: 4/1/2012
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Like everyone else, I'm preparing for the impending Mayan cataclysm. Being an expert woodworker, I figured my best bet was to build myself an ark and ride it out. Unfortunately, I don't have any ark plans and the ones I've found online are so confusing! I thought maybe you guys could help me out?
1. For accuracy, I want to convert cubits to hands, but whose hands? My hands? My hands are kind of small, and I'm worried about low hanging roofs.
2. Where do I get gopherwood?
3. Do I really have to take two of every type of animal? I hate rats!
-Ethan Alleghty Madison, WI
Ron Jobstone: Good questions, Ethan! My own ark is coming along nicely! My neighbors keep looking at me funny, but that might be because of the wood replica of the Taj Mahal I'm building next door.
Anyway, to answer your questions, I like to use my own hands when measuring things out, and you can feel free to use my hands too. I'm a pretty tall guy but I've got large enough hands to give me good clearance.
On the subject of gopherwood, that's actually a mistranslation from the ancient Hebrew. All it really meant was just “go for wood.” I like to use wormy chestnut. I have a ton of wormy wood and it looks great. What's the point of surviving the apocalypse if you can't do it in style?
As for your third question, you probably should, but I can't seem to stop hunting pheasants long enough to put them on my boat. How about you keep four of them and I'll take four rats and just hope we never sail past each other.
Mark Hawking: I agree with everything Rob said, but I'd just like to add that you are in luck! Woodworker's Journal is offering an exciting new line of $1,000 plans. In lieu of Earth's impending disaster, we've decided to make this week's Free Plan
our Ark. It will take you step by step through the construction of your ship from stem to stern. The plan also includes a world class recipe for pitch that keeps ships watertight and it tastes delicious on ribs! Check it out!