April Fool!
As you certainly know by now, issue 146 was our annual April Fool’s Day issue and was, as always, completely fictitious and absurd, right down to the fake URLs supplied for the nonexistent companies. Most of you loved it, a few were puzzled, and a couple were less than impressed with our brand of humor. First, let’s look in on a few who did not get the joke. – Editor
“What’s with this edition? Can’t make sense of it. Plans? What’s up, are you changing the format?” – Mark Rose
“Where did the flippant attitude come from? I am sure readers submit serious questions that deserve serious answers.” – Morris Azbill
For the record, all the real questions we answer do get serious and compassionate answers, even those whose wording makes them appear unintentionally humorous. – Editor
“I’m a lefty also. Perhaps someone should take all of Mr. Falafel’s hammers away and give him all left-handed hammers. Especially the ones with left-handed grips. I’m quite sure that after trying to use them he will appreciate why minorities need consideration, too. As for the web link, I couldn’t get it to work either.” – Edward A. Miller
That’s Ms. Falafel to you, sir. The first name of the fictional female Chava Falafel came from Tevye’s third daughter, Chava, in the play Fiddler on the Roof. – Editor
“The link does not work, and I think your comment about it being the user’s computer was rood.” [sic] – Bruce Atfield
By rood, do you mean to say you are “cross” with us? – Editor
“I’d be careful where you’re going with the eZine. I did not enjoy this one at all.” – Lee Diablo
Then there were a few who got the joke, but felt we just weren’t that funny. Editor
“And here I thought last year’s April Fool’s issue was completely humorless and an utter waste of time. You surpassed yourself.” – Jesse Paul
“This is not funny. Left-handed people use a power circular saw and get a lot of sawdust in their eyes. Right-handed woodworkers don’t have this problem. Don’t make fun unless you right-handers walk in our shoes.” – Garry Fincher
We would, but we are afraid we wouldn’t fit into left-handed shoes. – Editor
“Guess I have no sense of humor today. One April Fool’s Day article would have been more than sufficient, but a whole edition of them is simply over the top and a waste of my time. Next year, please try to restrain yourself.” – Chuck Molnar
Not a chance, because the vast majority of you absolutely loved it. Read on. Editor
“WOW, what an issue. Thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish. Couldn’t stop laughing.” Steve Manuel
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have not had a good laugh like that in ages. Although I must say, I found that after I ran my laptop through the dishwasher on the pot-scrubber cycle I was still unable to navigate to the leftools site.” – Jeff Mayernik
“Ya got me. I read the Editor’s article and partway through Bob N. Frapples, before realizing I had been HAD.” – Michael Hinkel
“Great April Fool’s plans. You had me going for a minute. I love the humor you guys throw in along with the knowledge and common sense each issue. Thanks.” – Sue Russell
“Congratulations on a great April Fool’s Day issue. I was laughing out loud! Keep up the good work.” – Denny Drew
“You got me. Got almost half way through the groin protector story, thinking ‘you gotta be kidding!’ Then the Edison invention flicked on and I realized the date.” – Fred Schoentag
“Thank you for the April first edition! I found it very funny and well done in a journalistic sense. The proof? I read EVERY word (I skim the real ones). Masterful! Thank you.” – Dennis Skelton
“I liked last year’s and was waiting to see a follow up. Thanks again for the hard work and levity.” – Mike Barner
“You had me fooled through almost the whole thing.” – Justin Beach
“Once again a fine piece of humor, especially with the typos you so blatantly added and didn’t ‘find’ for the typo corner. Keep up the good work!” – Tony Daniel
“I have to admit, at first you had me. Thank you for making my past two hours very enjoyable. I think this is the first issue I have actually read from page to page. This, by far, is the absolute best issue you have ever done. Good luck with the complaints from those who don’t understand.” – Colleen Taylor
“Thanks for the latest eZine. I needed that.” – Ron Statzer
” Good one, guys. Thanks for the laugh.” – Robert Benoit
“I have been out of town for most of the past four weeks and never noticed the date until after. You guys got me good! Great job!” – Tim Keefe
“I needed a good laugh and this really fit the bill. That issue took a lot of imagination, and I loved it! Thanks!” – Margie Birds
“Nice job. I googled ‘trusty oak’ and nothing came up, so I looked closer at the Latin. Well done, damn you!” – Rick Bolger
“Maybe Bob Frapples would do better if he just relied on ‘word of mouth’ advertising. I love your magazine, especially on dreary Friday afternoons.” – Denny Hurd
“Very good. It only took me two and a half articles to catch on.” – Michael Hughes
“If you ever put out a humor eZine, please make me your first subscriber.” – Tom Geheb
“Thanks guys, you really made my day with this issue; long time since I laughed so much here in sunny South Africa.” – Chris Nell
“Last year I sent a ‘not so nice’ review to your magazine and you printed it in your next issue, so I felt obligated to write again. Your editors have certainly chased down, captured and stomped on my funny bone!” – Allen Jenkins
“Someone at your office had way too much fun.” – Kim W. Randall
All of us did. – Editor
“Great stuff! I loved it. What will we have for the 4th of July – exploding pages?” Martin Fleming
We’re working on it. Editor
Board Foot Calculations
On a more serious note, the following feedback is from the issue prior to the April first issue. From here on out, up to the typo corner, this is for real. – Editor
“While the calculation techniques shown are correct for calculating your project needs, don’t try to use this method for calculating the project costs. Lumber yards often calculate the thickness of the lumber on the rough size of one inch when the finished size is three quarters of an inch, and may also use two different board foot calculations for hardwood and softwood.” – Bob Clark
“In my experience, when buying wood one inch or less in thickness, it is always figured to be one inch in thickness, so it may cost you a little more than you figured to begin with if you are buying thin stock.” – R. J. Smith
While some vendors who sell wood by the board will indeed measure to their advantage, we fervently hope that most who sell in large bulk, by the truckload, for example, measure more accurately and do not “average up” every board. – Editor
Free “Free Plans”
“It’s hard to believe that you offer ‘Free Plans’ for free. Over the last couple of years, I have compiled a nice collection that will keep me busy for some time. All your plans have great, easy-to-follow instructions. Thank you very much.” – Tom Pritchard
You are very welcome. Frankly, we’d feel a bit funny offering free plans that weren’t free. – Editor
But What is It?
“When we say ‘loose mortise and tenons,’ what exactly are we talking about? I hope I’m not the only one that doesn’t understand the terminology.” – Rob Schloemer
Actually, the term is loose or floating tenon. The mortise, or slot, is cut into both pieces, then a separate piece, a loose or floating tenon, is formed so that it glues into both sides at once. Think of it like a rectangular dowel, and you’ll have a good picture of it. – Editor
Typo Corner
This issue’s typo came from an angry comment submitted about our April Fool’s Day issue. Clearly, this writer was not amused, but his spelling choice amused us. – Editor
“What a waist of computer time.”
We’ll be the first to admit that sitting at the computer all day certainly creates “waist.” – Editor
